They say that if you want something done properly you have to do it yourself, but I say if you want something done properly, you should investigate whether there's a machine that can do it more successfully than you can on your own. I am queen of the gadget, mistress of the toolbox, and my friends are sick of hearing my catchphrase 'y'know there's an app for that?'
I bought myself a fucking machine.
A proper fucking machine. Not one of those padded ones you sit on (though I wouldn't say no if there are any going spare). No, the one I bought was a serious fucking machine: with a capital F. It has a piston-type mechanism – which is basically a techy way of saying it 'goes in and out' – and it even came with an eight-inch dildo that I got to pick from a range of colours.
It's my new favourite toy. Human dick is all well and good, but can it maintain a steady rhythm while you edge yourself for the best part of an hour? Can it fuck.
Having said that, although the machine might be just the ticket when I'm looking for no-strings-attached cunt-pounding, sometimes a girl wants something extra. And in the story, I'm going to tell you, that something extra was DP.
There's no need to be coy and pretend you don't know what DP is: double penetration. One in my cunt and one in my arse. Hard. That delicious sensation of feeling so stretched and crammed and stuffed full of dick that you can feel it in the pit of your stomach.
That's what I was after. My machine could give me the power I wanted, but to get the full-up feeling I really craved I was going to need one more dick.
That was the title of my ad, by the way:
“WANTED: One more dick.”
I don't mess around with this stuff.
I explained that I had plenty of sex toys of my own but I was looking for a human cock to come and join me. I talked a little about DP and linked to one of my favourite DP scenes online – two guys seduced by an older woman whose face contorts in the most delicious look of ecstasy when she manages to slide the second - thicker-cocked – guy into her arse. She's riding one of them as he sits on the sofa and the other is slipping into her from above. She doesn't squeal like so many other actresses do – she moans. Moans of utter, guttural satisfaction: like the sound you make after a really satisfying meal.
I talked about the fantasy, and how I wanted to feel stuffed with cock, and I added that the 'third' in our threesome would be a sex toy. I didn't tell him exactly which kind – I've had enough experience by now to know that some guys might be put off by a massive, piston-powered fuckmachine. Fragile little fuckers, aren't they?
I'd prefer to find someone who's keen in principle, and cross the f-machine bridge when I came to it. If my chosen guy didn't like the machine, we could always find something else to use and I'd go back to the drawing board.
Of the dozens of replies I got, the gentleman I settled on was very average-looking. And I don't mean 'average-looking' like 'unattractive', just average enough that he wouldn't draw much attention on a normal day. He was average height, medium build, dark-ish hair and eyes. About forty or so. If you stood next to him at a bus stop you'd be neither nervous nor excited. But what he wrote in his reply got me interested:
“I'm up for fulfilling your fantasies, but you should know I'm a one-time-only kind of person. My kink is first times, so we'll see each other once and then that's it.”
Well, who am I to say no to someone with such an interesting kink? We arranged to meet the very next evening, in a pub just round the corner from my flat.
When he arrived he looked exactly as he had in his profile picture. That was surprise number one. Surprise number two was that he was much, much filthier-looking than I'd initially given him credit for. He had this lopsided smile and a way of sitting slightly side-on to me, which meant that when I made a dirty joke or hinted at what we were about to do, he glanced at me sidelong: like he was trying to keep his distance or studying a museum specimen. Honestly: I found this so fucking hot. It was almost... objectifying? He was partly measuring me up, and partly challenging me. I felt like he was telling me to put my money where my mouth was, filth-wise.
Once we'd done the small talk – names, where we were from, last porn we each wanked to – we headed back to my flat.
Like I say, I don't mess around.
He was semi-hard when we got through the door – perhaps because I'd been talking about DP on the way home. I told him about the first time I'd tried it – with a vibrating butt plug and a different willing guy. I was so full of his dick while we were fucking doggy-style it was hard for him to slide the plug all the way in. My body kept trying to push against it as if to say 'no more, I'm full.' But I wanted to be fuller, so I pushed back against him as hard as I could until it slid all the way inside. When it got there, the guy fucked me harder for – oooh – about five strokes – until the rush of pleasure at being stretched wide open became too much for me and I came hard. My cunt clenching around his dick, butt-plug vibrating on it through my flesh, causing him to come too soon afterwards.
So as I say, that got him semi-hard. And when we walked through the door he pushed me face-first against the wall in the hallway, grabbing my wrists and lifting my hands high out of reach. He bit my neck and ground his erection into my arse. I pushed back against it and gave a couple of deliberate moans to show how much I liked it when he took control, so he kept that shit up for a loooong time – pinning me against the wall, hands above my head, groping and grinding against me while I wriggled back in return.
Then he moved both hands down my body and started to strip me roughly. Pulling down my jeans, yanking down the hem of my top to spill my tits out so he could pinch my nipples. I heard him unzip and slide the belt of his jeans out through the belt loops, and his dick felt solid and twitching as he ground it into the crack of my arse.
I almost wanted to spread my arse with my hands and let him fuck me right there in the hallway – one of those fucks that's dirty purely because it's urgent. Like you're competing with each other to make sure you come before the other one's done and you have to stop.
But that wasn't what he was there for. I'd done that same strip-and-fuck with countless guys in my hallway, and he wanted one of my 'first time's.
I turned round and looked at him – drinking in that absolutely filthy smile and those eyes that were so eager to do what I wanted – and asked him to come with me to the bedroom.
“There's something in there I'd like you to use on me, if you're up for it,” I told him.
He grinned like he'd won the lottery, and told me he was game for anything.
“Anything?” I asked.
So I opened the door and showed him my fuck machine.
I wasn't shy about it – hopefully by this point you'll have realised that I'm rarely shy about anything. I just let his eyes wander around the bedroom, taking in the restraints attached to the four corners of my bed, the line of whips and ropes hung neatly by the dressing table... and the fuck machine, with 8 inch cock attached, assembled and ready near the foot of my bed. Let's face it, it was the main attraction, and as soon as he'd clocked what it was he raised his eyebrows in surprise.
I looked at him sideways, and tried to copy his lopsided smile.
“Anything?” I asked again.
His expression was slightly more nervous than before, though his cock clearly wasn't affected. He'd not bothered to put his jeans back on properly as we went to the room, so I could still see the head and half the shaft sticking out - practically throbbing at the thought of it.
I gripped his dick and stroked it firmly and slowly while I told him exactly what I wanted: a threesome. Just him, me and my fucking machine. Whatever speed he liked, however much power he liked.
“Is it safe?” he asked me.
“Sure. I'll tell you to stop if things get too much.”
And then, just in case he needed extra persuasion, I leaned in so he could feel the heat of my breath on his neck, and my tits squashed against his chest. I squeezed his cock nice and tight at the base until he let out an involuntary moan, then offered him a tempting choice:
“Which do you want to fuck: my arse or my cunt?”
That was enough to tip him from reticence into eagerness.
He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me down in front of the machine, forcing me to my knees on the carpet in front of it. I like it when guys get a little rough, and he'd picked up on the signals from earlier – my mewling pleas when he was forcing me against the wall and grinding into me – that I wanted him to take control a little.
As I waited patiently on my hands and knees for him to arrange the fucking machine, he kept up a stream of verbal instruction that couldn't help but make me wet.
“Back a little,” he crooned. “head down, arse up. I want you to push your pretty face right into the carpet. That's it. That's good. Spread those cheeks for me.”
I held myself open while he arranged the machine between my legs. Fingers spreading myself wide for him to slide in the thick, cold dildo between the lips of my cunt. When the head of it touched me, one of my legs started to tremble, and he paused to give me a firm-but-sexy whack on the arse with the palm of his hand.
“Hold still,” he told me. “Or this is going in your arse.”
Far be it from me to disobey a direct order, but it was difficult to keep myself under control. I could feel it right behind me, and feel one of his hands in the small of my back, holding me in position. I could also feel a thin trickle of wetness sliding down the slit of my cunt, telling him I was more than ready. That trickle said 'get on with it' in a way no words actually could, so I bit my lip and kept quiet.
In one swift movement he flicked the switch on the machine, while using his other hand to guide me back onto it. I slid back, cunt aching to feel the dildo deeply inside me. He'd started off slowly but I'm not really a 'slow and steady' girl: I bounced backwards onto it to try and take it right to the hilt, rocking my hips faster than he'd set the machine to fuck.
“You want more?” he asked, unnecessarily. I didn't bother to reply, just slammed myself faster back onto the dildo, until he turned up the speed. Not quite to maximum but close enough – fast enough that the pounding, fucking intensity made my eyes roll back. Fast enough that I had to take my hands off my arse cheeks and use them to steady myself on the carpet.
Fast enough that I let out a whimper of shock and delight.
He slipped round to the front, where my head was, crooning at how beautiful the view: my arse pointed high in the air, thick dildo slamming in and out of me so quickly it was nearly a blur. He grabbed my hair, aimed my face at his crotch, and whispered what a good girl I was for taking all that the machine could give me.
He was so pleased with the scene that he'd forgotten this was my fantasy, not his. But I didn't care by this point – he seemed to have some good ideas of his own, so I was happy to go along.
I spat on his cock, and opened my mouth wide as he spread the glistening wetness all over it from tip to base. He shoved the whole length of it down my throat until I gagged, then pulled out and tilted my head so I could look him straight in the eye.
“OK?” he asked, testing the waters.
“OK.” I told him.
“You tap me if this gets too much,” he said. And I had just enough time to nod before he plunged in again, dragging me by the hair right to the base of his dick and holding me there. As the machine slammed into me from behind, each nudge pushed me forward further onto him. It was intense. Extreme. Almost-but-not-quite too much. I moaned and gagged and choked on him, and my cunt clenched tight around the dildo in my cunt as I felt myself coming around it.
Waves started to lap up from my crotch through the pit of my stomach, tensing my muscles and crying out for just one, two, three more strokes to tip me over the edge and then... aaaaaah.
As I came, I whimpered, mouth gaping wide around his dick and spit leaking down my chin. I shuddered so hard he must have seen my body ripple – a quivering wreck sandwiched between him and my powerful, beautiful machine.
I tapped his thigh and he released me immediately, letting me shiver and shudder onto the floor. He reached over and turned the machine off, freezing it with the dildo sitting half-inside and half-outside of my trembling slit.
I suffered a brief flash of indignation at the idea that this might be over – finished!? - before I realised he wasn't done: he was just getting ready for part two.
“Don't move,” he ordered.
He moved round to the back, where the machine sat silently waiting for him to switch it back on and my arse stuck up in the air.
His dick was wet already from my throat, but spotting a bottle I'd placed conveniently nearby, he slathered it in thick lube. I could hear the wet, squishy sounds as he spread it liberally over himself, and I felt his cold fingers smearing it in my crack and around the entrance to my arse.
He pushed two fingers in, wet and sticky, and I shoved myself back onto him in response, wiggling to feel the pressure against the wall of flesh between my cunt and my arse. As he fingered me like this, I could hear him shifting around beside me – straddling the machine and crouching down to line himself up ready to fuck me.
When he was in position he slipped his fingers out slowly and pressed the head of his cock against my arse.
Ready to go.
As he eased it in, I could feel myself stretching out. Could almost feel the pulse of my own heartbeat through the flesh in my cunt, as the dildo filled and stretched me there, making it harder for him to get his cock inside. Just as it had been before with the butt plug, but this time it was his dick missing out if he didn't get it in, so he pushed nice and hard to make sure.
I pushed back. Wincing ... aching ... wanting... I pushed back.
Inch by inch he slipped inside me, moaning as he realised how tight the dildo had made me. It felt like he was having to push harder than he would have otherwise – fighting for space in the holes that were being so thoroughly filled with cock. He started off with small movements – easing himself in and out as if to test just how much I could take. When I started moaning for more he turned the machine on again. Gentle, slow strokes at first, which he tried to match with his cock.
When the machine pushed in, he did too, a double-stroke that felt somehow like more than twice what I was used to. I was not just full, I was fulfilled. Aching. Stretched.
I'd already come once, but when he turned the machine up I felt myself start to tremble again. His dick slid in and out of my arse with firm, slow strokes while the machine gave me a rapid pounding that I could feel right at the back of my cunt.
I was sure he could feel it too – the sensation of the dildo sliding into my cunt must have pushed against his cock as he fucked my arse too. Must have. He moaned in time to each stroke, and I felt his hands start to tremble too. Felt his dick start to twitch.
Then he sped up.
I said before how the machine could go faster than your average man – this guy clearly took the power and speed of the fucking machine as a challenge. He picked up speed and fucked my arse so quickly that I could feel him alternating strokes with the machine – when one went in, the other went out. Harder and faster, harder and faster until I couldn't remember which was in which hole – which the machine and which the man. All I could think about was the satisfaction of having both in there at once: pounding me so hard my teeth chattered against each other as I came again, in a gushing wave that made my cunt and arse clench tight around both the cocks inside me.
With a final grunt of satisfaction, he gave one last thrust – as deep as he could go – squeezing the first couple of squirts of spunk deep into my arse.
And I think if that's where he'd ended I'd be able to tell you this story with at least a small element of decorum: I wouldn't be soaking through my knickers the whole time I'm telling it, wishing I could transport myself back to that night. But the fact is, listeners, he didn't end there: it wasn't enough for him to come inside me. He wanted more than that. A visual and physical sensation neither of us would forget in a hurry.
So once he'd pumped some of his spunk in me, he whipped his dick out and gripped it with his fist, aiming the next two, three, four squirts right at the entrance to my cunt. So as the machine ploughed on and on – in and out of my cunt – he sprayed the final squirts of jizz right at the hole it was fucking … Letting the dildo carry the rest of his spunk right into the depths of my cunt.
As I said goodbye to him later, I could still feel the stickiness of his cum leaking wetly out of me.
I'd got exactly what I wanted – a threesome with a powerful fucking machine, and a willing guy who helped fill me with his cock. But that spunk-shower was an unexpected bonus: not one I'd have thought to request, but it did round the evening off nicely. And to be fair to the guy in question, there really isn't a machine that can do that. It just wouldn't be the same.
Girl on the Net is a sex blogger and author who writes filth, feminism and funny stuff over at http://girlonthenet.com . She also makes audio porn – turning sexy stories into audio recordings to help make erotica more accessible to people with visual impairments (and also just because so many of us love a dirty bedtime story). GOTN is also one of the co-organisers of Eroticon – a conference for sex bloggers, erotic writers and other sexily creative types which is held in London in March every year. GOTN is a particular fan of powerful sex toys, BDSM, and anything that gives her that kick-in-the-gut of lust that she got the first time she ever snogged a boy.